Scattered!!!

That is how I feel! My whole world seems to be completely scattered!

I am working right now to rebuild my website. I have done countless hours of research because I am thinking that I might dabble in web desgin on a limited scale in addition to my VA practice. It is still something I am playing around with, but it interests me, so we will just wait and see!

The house is in such a state right now that it so very well depicts the way I feel. It is a mess! I am so glad people don't have a window into my house. They get a window into my world through this blog, but thank goodness it ends there. It will get better; Kevin has been helping out which has been great! He can't do much with it being so hot and dry. That has given me time to refocus; now if I could use it to become really productive, we would be onto something!

My weight loss has taken the path of everything else. Harvest hours really screwed me up. And I have found that taking almost three weeks off can really effect your routine and whether you are motivated to do it or not. I had worked out off and on, but nothing hard core or consistent in the last two months! I have only gained three pounds, but that was enough for me to get up, tie the shoes on, and hop on the elliptical this morning. I aired up the BOSU ball and worked my abs, and plan on doing legs and arms tomorrow in addition to elliptical work. I also was more careful today about what I ate.

What a journey this has been! It is just proof positive that it is never ending juggling act! As my fitness and weight are only one part of it. There are my children, my husband, my work, my housework, my volunteering obligations, the kids' school, and so on. It is what everyone else has and it is called LIFE!

The way I see it right now, I have two options: I can let LIFE win and continue to workout every other week haphazardly OR I can make time for my fitness, health and needs and let MY LIFE win out and live happy and fulfilled because I am taking care of all parts of me! Man that is a hard choice! NOT! I will be getting up tomorrow and exercising again! And the next day and so on! I choose ME!!

An Update

I have been BAD!!! I wanted to keep this blog updated once each week! It has now been a month! It has been a busy time here!!

I started out strong this summer at the gym. Then, harvest started. I am hoping by the end of the week (after ground working is over) I will get back to the gym, at least three times per week!

I had a milestone happen during harvest. Since I have posted my weight on here already, it is no biggie to mention it again! I am now below 200 pounds for the first time in six and half years! I am weighing in at 198! In a year's time I have lost 34 pounds! It has been a hard fought battle, but I am glad to see the "1" on the scale instead of a "2." I know that this isn't lightning quick weight loss that you see on The Biggest Loser, or on those TV informercials. But it is a journey that I have done myself! I can't imagine where I would be today if I hadn't decided to do something last summer when I saw 232 on the scale. My guess is that instead of being close to a size 12 I would be entering the 20s of sizes for the first time in my life!

Since starting this journey I have lost 7 inches off my waist. Anyone who has followed my story for very long and knows all of the illness, injuries and stress I have had in my life over the last year, knows that is huge!!!

Is it hard to get on here and make myself vulnerable to millions of people? Absolutely! But I want to have a record of this journey! It has been a long hard one that I have dealt with most of my adult life. I don't share any of this with people to toot my own horn. Anyone can loose 30 pounds in three months, let alone a year!

My purpose for doing this is so that people can see that even though it has been hard, I haven't given up! I am still fighting the fight. Yes, some days are easier than others! Some days, I get up and love the numbers on the scale, while other days I hate them! But, I still journey on. It would have been easy to give up and let the numbers go the other way! It would be easy to go back to doing nothing for physical fitness, and eating all that I want!

But, I wouldn't have the feeling that I have when I stand in front of mirror and put on clothes that used to be so tight I could zip them to now when I put them on, they fall off of me. I wouldn't have the joy of being able to workout and feel enegerize the rest of the day! I wouldn't be able to look at clothes now and not worry if the XL is going to be too small...I wear a large comfortably now!

The journey isn't over. It will be a lifelong one that will require my dilligence from here on out. And I still have more weight that I want to loose. I read a article the other day though that put this into perspective. It is great to have the big 70+ weight loss goal or whatever it may be, but you have to be willing to set the smaller goals! You have to set the goals of ten pounds lost! And then you have to celebrate them! Waiting to reward yourself only when you reach the big goal can be detrimental to your success!

Misc. Thoughts

I have learned a couple of things in the last couple of days and I want to share!

1. BlackBerrys don't belong in your back pocket. Buy the clip and put them on your pants not in them. The reason: They can fall out of your pocket and into the toilet quicker than all get out! Then you get to explain that to your phone company...Can't wait to do that!

2. A chore chart is good for keeping your kids on task. It gives them a visualization of what they have accomplished in the day. It is also productive to put fun things on there like riding their bike or reading books. It encourages them to do those things more.

3. Listing "taking a nap" on your chore chart doesn't make it anymore fun for a six year old to do!

4. Trying to loose weight and actually doing it are two very different things! I have worked at this journey for 10 months now. I am going to include my doctor in the process with a visit tomorrow.

5. Hormones have everything to do with your thyroid function, with your metabolism, and with every function of your body. What a find Biggest Loser trainer Jillian's new book Master Your Metabolism has been!

6. Drinking water is a great thing until you drink to much, wind up in the bathroom every five minutes and loose your BB down the toilet (haven't I already mentioned that...hmmmm)...

7. Summer break is a great time to get the family started on new rituals that will last a lifetime. Having the kids at home is a great time to encourage them to eat healthier, be physically active, and spend time together as a family!

8. If you look hard enough, even in this rough economic time, you can find great things to keep your kids active all summer long...My boys are doing summer story time at the local library (it's free and most libraries offer it), swim team (only $50 for the entire summer, check out your local pool or YMCA), bicycle riding (they got those as birthday gifts), family membership at our local pool for FUN swim time ($225 for a family with up to six people for a whole year at the pool in Kingfisher), and much much more!

9. You can't put a price tag on your health! There is nothing like sitting on your front porch in the cool of the evening watching your boys have a sword fight, while your daughter pushes around a trike that her brothers used to ride. Those moments are truly priceless.

These lessons are why I am living. They are why I continue to exercise daily. They are why I want to be the healthiest Lesley that I can be. I don't want to miss out on living because I didn't take the time to take control of me. Even with the BB in the toilet, it is still a priceless moment in my life because it is mine, and it worth living everyday that we have on this earth to the absolute fullest and healthiest that we can be!

Gym Membership

Well, it was bound to happen. Eventually, you have to shake things up! I have worked out at Paula's Elite Fitness Studio for 10 months. Even through illness, injury, and the regular ups and downs of life, I managed to stay consistent. I knew eventually there would come a time when I would have to spread my wings and fly on my own. I had actually been thinking about it for a couple of months now: Cutting back there and joining the gym in town. My friend that I work out with and I had even developed a plan: we were going to workout together at the school this summer while the kids played on the playground.

I had good intentions, but I didn't know how to completely follow through with them. You know how it goes, you feel like doing something, but you don't know how to go about it!

This week Paula gave notice that she could no longer allow children to come with their Moms while they worked out. She is making some fabulous changes in her business and needed to make that change. Kinsley has always went with me. She even has provided extra weight while I do lunges or sit ups, and she exercises with me. Have you ever seen a one-year-old do wall push ups? It is comical!!

This presented a dilemma and a fabulous opportunity for me: I would have to discontinue going to Paula's because I don't have a babysitter, and I would face one of my biggest obstacles in this journey which is doing this on my own! Thankfully, with this challenge, my previous plans were starting to become reality, and everything I had been contemplating fell into place. Don't you just love it when that happens? It is awesome seeing a situation just work its self out, especially when it is best for both parties!

My friend and I decided we had to have some way to stay committed to our fitness goals. She had been a member of our local gym years ago, so we decided we would go and sign up together. We went tonight and did it together. I am so EXCITED! I loved going to Paula's and will miss it! However, this is the next best thing! The gym is open 24/7. It has everything I could possibly need in order to workout. I can get up early before everyone is awake or I can go after everyone is out for the evening. I can go on the weekends. I can go everyday (probably won't be doing that lol) if I choose. And I get to still do it with my workout buddy and dear friend! We get to be accountable to each other and have fun together.

We even joked tonight with their family plans, maybe we could convince the husbands to join. Of course, we would have to get a sitter then so we could watch them do that!!!LOL!!!

I really feel like my life is starting to come together. I am getting to the point of when you have a goal and you can see the finish line. I am starting to see the next step in this process and how the pieces all can fall into place!

I don't know if I mentioned this in the other blog post, but I had something exciting happen this weekend. I wore a pair of pants that I had bought last summer. They were the biggest pants I had ever wore in my life at a size 18 (YUCK!) They were even at the point where I was starting to get scared if I would have to keep going up in sizes. I put them on Sunday not even really thinking about it. They were huge on me, but I went ahead and wore them to church. I had a wedding shower that afternoon, and I had to come home before hand and changed. Those slacks were almost as miserable being too large as they were when they were too tight. I spent all morning pulling them up and wrestling with them. They have since went into the bag to give to goodwill! I am going to have to start doing a lot more of that soon! I can't wait!!!

Relapse?!?!

I started this blog with the intentions that it would contain career and weight loss information. So far, my weight loss has taken a strong hold! And you know what, it is okay. I am in the process of redesigning my website and creating a blog there as well. It will be better to separate everything!

While working out yesterday, my trainer mentioned something interesting that I hadn't given much thought too. She said there were stages to weight loss. Having been in this battle actively for the last 9 months, I understand that. What was interesting was the point she made about after six months, you have a chance to relapse. WHAT?!?!?! I thought relapsing was only something addicts did. I never considered gaining weight a relapse, until I gave it some thought.

My addiction, my comfort, my support, my emotional backer has always been food! When I was sad, I would eat. When I was mad, I would eat. When I was happy, I would eat. I am not alone. When we celebrate a wedding or a baby, we go to showers and EAT! When someone dies, we take them food for comfort. When we celebrate a birthday or anniversary, we have big celebratory meals. Not to mention the millions of dollars we as a nation spend in the snack food industry.

Granted, in order to survive, we have to nurture our bodies. We have to have calories; however, it can go way past our need for nutrition 99% of time. I know it, and so do you. I have spent years saying well it is only this one time and it doesn't matter...The heck it doesn't matter. Those one times have turned into numerous times in a month, in a week, in a day. And those numerous times in a day have turned into the forty pounds that I still want to loose.

So, back to my original thought, why would someone gaining weight be considered a relapse after weight loss? The answer is clear, at least to me. Food is an addiction. It is a crutch. And it is ever so easy to fall back into harmful, negative food addiction and gain weight. It is probably one of the hardest addictions to overcome. Think about it...An Alcoholic can avoid alcohol. A Drug addict can steer clear of drugs. But a food addict still has to have food in order to survive.

Now don't get me wrong....The other two have much more serious consequences and are illegal and more harmful to your body in the short and long term. But food has its consequences too. They are seen in the way of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and death.

While I haven't personally lived through a relapse yet, I can see how it could so easily happen. And it is my hope that through this blog, I can have enough accountability, drive, and determination to make the life long change of exercise and good, healthy nutrition to overcome this powerful addiction!

One more thing...Some have emailed that they can't post a comment to my blog subjects. The problem has now been fixed (or I hope it has) and I encourage you to try again!

I am probably going to regret this!!!

I can see some differences in these pictures, but it is hard to tell since they are taken at different zoom levels on the camera.

If you need assistance finding the differences, look near my waist, at my arms, and my face. Don't mind the cheesy grin in the first one; I was laughing at the thought of a before picture when she snapped the picture! The picture on the left was taken in July, 2008. The picture on the right was taken in March 2009.

My journey continues to be an up and down battle. I have been sick off and on, injured off and on, had sick children, lived through the holidays and so on. It is called LIFE and everyone lives it everyday! It isn't an excuse! The one constant: I haven't given up! Is this taking longer than I would have liked? Absolutely!!! Is it hard to stay motivated day in and day out? Most definitely!!! Would I go back to being my couch potato self and gain back the 28 pounds I have lost? NO WAY!!!

The point is that it is hard! It takes commitment! It shifts your focus from everyone else to you! But it is so worth getting up and the morning and having energy. It is fun to make my abs sore so that I can see results! It is worth it for me and my health. It is worth it for my kids and the habits that I am teaching them. My 1 1/2 year old eats salads with me. She loves lettuce, carrots, apples, bananas, and so on! The boys are eating better and exercising.

The best thing I did in the last couple of weeks: I started watching Biggest Loser. I am addicted to that show. I watch it every Tuesday night, and I watch the repeats on the Style Network. If those people who weigh a lot more than I did when I started can do it, then what is my excuse? If they can make a marked difference in their life, why can't I? The hardest part to any of it is just to start!

The other thing that has made a difference is I changed my diet up again. I am following Paula's Bikini Body Diet. It is 50% protein, 30% fruit/veggies, 20% good fats at each meal. Then you have proteins and/or fruits/veggies for snacks. You still eat 5-6 times per day. You cut out all processed food, sugar, carbonated drinks, and bad carbs like potatoes and bread. You eat one whole grain serving each day...Thank God for Brown Rice and whole wheat bread!

I have been eating a salad with every meal! I love lettuce! And for those that know me this will be a shocker, but I have given up table salt! The most table salt I have had in my mouth in weeks was saltwater yesterday to get rid of a sore throat! Even season salt has gone by the wayside! It has been a gradual shift away from Diet Coke, salt, processed foods, and so on. I couldn't have ever given up these things cold turkey, all at once.

And I have made myself accountable! I have my blog. I have my trainer. I have my dear friend who I workout with! I have the support of my family. It is easy to diet/exercise and not care if you quit or gain 10 pounds when no one is looking. Try it when EVERYONE knows! Try it when people know you have been going to a trainer. Try it when you post your weight online. It makes the will and determination that much stronger torwards success!!!

Have a great TAX DAY!!! I hope you all have finished them and didn't procrastinate! And remember today is just as good of a day to start making healthy choices as January 1st is!!!

COMING SOON...BEFORE AND AFTER

I wanted to warn everyone before I did this...You may want to run and never look back at this blog again!!! LOL

In the next couple of days, I am going to post the before and after pictures that my trainer has taken of me. I saw the most recent picture of myself next to the picture I took in July of last year and in December....OMG!!! I was shocked! I haven't lost the weight like I wanted, but the pictures tell a different story! I am taking them to WalMart and having copies made and posting them everywhere, in hopes to get my booty into better shape!

Hopefully, by Friday, I will have everything copied and posted! It has been so crazy around, that who knows! But, come back towards the end of the week for a surprising treat!

Still going

Despite everything else going on in life, I am still moving onward!

I have been sick yet again. If anyone has suggestions on how you stay well, I would love to hear them. I had what I thought was strep. Kevin had had it and Damon was complaining about his throat. Well, after going to the doctor, we both had infections in our throats. LOVELINESS!!! He said our allergies were draining so much, that it had literally rubbed our throats raw and caused an infection. After two days of antibiotics, it is starting to feel better.

The wind is sweeping down the plains today. And it is trying to take everything with it. Really great on the allergy front!

I have made a personal discovery that was quite eye opening, and also kinda of sad. I am glad that it happened. I just hadn't put any thought into it until a couple of weeks ago.

I posted about the pastor that I liked from St. Luke's in OKC. I think it was his ability to be different. It is so easy as a Christian to become stagnant in our worship practices. Dr. Long is very different from what I am used to on Sunday morning. It is not a bad or good different. It is just different.

I was in a Christian rut. Prayer is something that happened occasionally and on Sundays. The Bible would get opened a couple of times every other week. It was just easier to put those things away for when I thought I would have time. That was almost a year and half ago. It was right about the time that Kinsley was born and I started on my journey to becoming a virtual assistant.

As I look back, I realize how different the path might have been had God been centered where he should have been. I started listening to a Joyce Meyer's series last night. The kids were in bed and Kevin went to his fire meeting. I took seven pages of notes over 1 of the CDs. There are four in the collection. It is called "Managing Your Emotions." I listened to it, prayed for direction, and then went and climbed in bed. The most awesome thing happened: I went looking for a Christian show to watch. Joyce was on TV as she is throughout the day. But her sermon just happened to be on the same exact topic that CD had covered. It even referenced some of the same stories told on the CD.

I have had those CDs for over a year. I had never gotten through them. God knew when I would need them the most and laid them in my path. It gave me a renewed sense of strength and direction for my life.

I encourage each of you to really examine your life. Look at the things that have gone right and wrong. See if there is something missing from you daily routine. It can truly make all the difference.

Inspiration

I will keep this short. I am recovering from a upper respiratory/sinus infection. I have new glasses though so I can see better!!!

I have been struggling. I have been struggling with my fitness journey. I have been struggling keeping everyone healthy, and I have just been struggling.

Something that has given me inspiration is a pastor that preaches on Sunday mornings on our local ABC affliate here. He preaches while we are leaving for church, but I have caught him the last couple of weeks due to different illnesses that have been going on in our family.

I encourage any of you that need an extra push, or just need someone to listen to who is caring, compassionate, and speaks the word of God, visit the St. Luke's Methodist Church website. He has been doing a series on in the shadow of the Cross during lent. It is amazing! I especially liked March 8's sermon!

Misadventures of Me!

I clicked over here this morning and read the title to my last post about clumsiness. I wondered how I could have already posted about my most recent fall last Friday when it hadn't happened yet. Then it dawned on me: that post was about my hand. I haven't posted about my MOST RECENT injury. People would seriously think I was an abused woman if these things didn't keep happening in a public place.

I was at church on Sunday. Kinsley was fussy, so I was going to take her downstairs into the basement where the boys were at for Sunday School. I went to step off the first step, and missed it. I was holding Kinsley. I tucked her and kept her on top of me while I slide and rolled down. I landed on the landing seven-eight steps later on my right elbow, hip and ankle.

Luckily, I didn't break anything! I just have some bumps and bruises. And I am not as sore as I probably should be. As I hit the ground, the door slammed behind me, and I moaned and said, "oh shit." I was glad the door slammed. People in the sanctuary didn't hear my words as I fell LOL!!!

With all the incidents, I am going to the eye doctor today. We are concerned that my depth perception could be bad. For some reason, I keep falling, running into to things, and winding up with injuries that are ridiculous! Hopefully, the eye doctor will be able to give me some sort of direction.

Clumsiness is my middle name

Or it should have been!!! I have had many such silly accidents all caused by either me being clumsy, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is always something. In the last six months or so, I have fallen three time and hurt my legs; I burned my left arm from the elbow to my wrist on hot steam from our grill; I have thrown out my shoulder once; I have been sick a couple of times; and most recently, I have hurt my right hand. I am sure there are other instances of silliness that should make the mix, but for right now, that is all that comes to mind. I am sure that Paula could come up with more.

My weight loss is still going okay due to my recent adventure with my hand. It feels better today. I thought I had broke it on Tuesday it hurt so bad. Metal bars, ratchets and my hand don't mix well together...Who knew?

Allergy season is also in full force here in Oklahoma. All of us have had a time of it. We are all on Zyrtec with the exception of Mr. Fisher. He tries to be tough, but usually winds up more ill than the rest of us.

So how has all of this loveliness affected my weight loss efforts this week? It has. I haven't exercised since Monday. I am hoping to change that today! I have been helping Kevin most of the week outside, so that only aggravated the allergies. Then with the hand, it would have been impossible to do much else. My body is also out of alignment according to my trainer. That has been causing hip and shoulder pain. I think at 28 I am falling apart!!! At least, I haven't gained a significant amount of weight this week. I haven't been on the scale this morning, but yesterday I was only up 1 pound! YEAH!!!

I have new Pilates videos that I can't wait to try. Those with my elliptical are going to become my new best friends! I will try to keep track of the video I try along with degree of soreness/effectiveness of each one. It will be like my own personal review!

So, it will be calorie counting, Pilates, and elliptical for awhile! I am excited to see the results!!!

Have a great Friday!!!

Looking back

More times than not in my life I have been faced with difficult decisions, just as each of us has. I am a true believer that it is in those moments, our life can be truly defined. People look at us and how we handle turmoil and make a judgement regarding what kind of person we are.

I had something like this happen very early in my life. I made a very difficult decision that shaped who I was and showed a lot about my character. It is a decision that I have never regretted.

As I continued to grow, I lost the person who made that decision. I lost the girl who turned woman with that decision. I lost the ability to realize that I had choices in life. Most of my big life choices had already been made by that time in my life. I knew who I was going to marry; I knew where we would live; I thought I knew where life would lead me. I think that is where life left me. It left me there waiting to make more decisions and choices that ultimately I quit making.

Could you see this on the outside? No, of course not. To the outside world, as in most cases, everything looked fine. Really it was. I didn't realize any of this, and as in most cases, ignorance can be bliss sometimes, at least for awhile.

I can't tell you the moment in the last two years in which something changed for me. I can't pinpoint it down to anyone time. I think that is the great thing about how this change in my life occurred. It happened so gradual, that one day I opened my eyes and just knew things were different.

Life is full of choices. Each of us have them to make. I had quit making mine. I had let what other people wanted or expected of me get in the way of what I wanted for myself. I had told the voice in my head that it was ok, and we would do what we wanted the next time. My life was about what the world expected of me, instead of what I expect of me.

It is no longer that way. I know that I have choices in this life. I can choose to let things make me angry, or I can choose to set a deadline for that anger and let it go. I can choose to be upset, or I can choose to wake up and be ok. I can choose to do the things in life that I want to do, and be at choice with the things in life that I don't want to do.

Sounds pretty sweet and sugar coated, doesn't it? It is quite the opposite. It is hard to change. It requires a great deal of thought, energy and opposition from others who don't want you to change. But believe me, it is definitely worth every negative, hard thing that comes your way! It is worth that first step no matter how hard it may be to take!!! And never forget that you have a choice in everything that you do and feel!!!!

Update!!!

Well, what a week it has been! It was full of stress, joy, and SORENESS!!!

I was completely stressed last week. Kinsley had croup and had to be tested for allergies. It meant two days in a row of going to OKC and getting her taken care of. On Friday morning, we tried to get her blood drawn. It was a nightmare. She was stuck three times, and we now have to go to someone more experienced with Pediatric patients. Six months ago this would have meant: OLD ME + STRESS = GAINING WEIGHT

I have been working out hard. Paula says I have been working out too hard and need to take 1-2 days off during the week. Do you know how hard that is? I can't even believe that I feel that way, but it seems impossible for me to conceive not exercising for 2 days each week. I am so afraid the weight will creep back on if I don't. She assures me as long as I eat right, and work out hard the other 5-6 days it will be fine. We shall see!

I have spent the last seven days extremely sore. My rear end hurts like none other. I have been unable to sleep on my back it hurts so bad. We did lunges on Monday, and going to the bathroom became a challenge by that evening. I haven't been doing lunges because my knees were so bad prior to working out. I had actually wondered if I wouldn't need knee replacements soon they were getting so bad. I have strengthened my muscles in my upper legs, and they are much better. So, on Monday, I did squats and lunges. 2 sets of each. By Monday night, I felt like I had just worked out for the first time in my life I hurt so bad.

With the soreness of my legs and rear end, it has made for an interesting week. Yesterday, working out helped. It got the soreness out of my legs so that I could at least walk without constant pain. And my rear end is getting better. We determined that I was doing to hard of a level on my elliptical and thus causing rear pain:).

So where is the weight now? I have lost AGAIN!!! 206.4 this morning. I am close to the magically thirty pounds mark. It puts me at almost half of where I want to be. The goal weight is 165-170. I am so EXCITED to be halfway there! I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't decided to do something last summer. My life would be very different now!

I have so much more energy now. I can carry Kinsley, when I am not sore, without being winded! My upper body has gain so much strength. I actually did some running while we put cattle in yesterday and wasn't winded at all. It felt so GOOD!!! I have also given up DIET COKE! It has been almost four weeks! I can't believe it sometimes. Kevin even asked if I wanted one the other night at a ballgame because I was complaining I didn't want water. I told him that I sure didn't want a Diet Coke and would drink the water. I actually went back later on and got another water:).

Paula is getting ready to start Pilates during the morning. I am excited about this. I want to attend some classes and work on Pilates at home. She swears by them. She told me yesterday that with her own journey to weight loss, doing Pilates is when she started noticing the biggest differences in her weight loss story. I can't wait!!!

Breakthrough!!

I am pretty positive I have pinpointed the reason why I have not been losing weight up to this point: I wasn't doing this for the right reasons!

When I started in July working out with Paula, I wanted to get healthy, but I was doing it because my sister and my brother-in-law were both getting married. Ashley got married in August and Curtis got married in November. My goals were based on what I thought I needed to look like for those occasions, instead of what I needed to look like for me! I had good intentions that were meant to be sincere, but I wasn't committed to the process for the right reasons!

After their weddings, the holidays hit. I was determined not to forsake all of the hard work that I had put in, and I didn't. But it still was a struggle to exercise. It was a struggle to eat good. It was a STRUGGLE. PERIOD! Until a couple weeks ago!

I don't know exactly the moment, but suddenly things started clicking. I started this blog. I started food journaling. I took my first nutrition class, and things started to turn around. I quit drinking Diet Coke and starting drinking water. I also did something momentous: working out harder at home than I do when I go see Paula. I love seeing Paula; I want my body to reflect that! So, I have been working out like a mad dog at home now too, and I am actually starting to crave exercise, if you can believe that!

I even woke up this morning at 5 knowing that I had to exercise. My brain was like the peppy cheerleader of LET'S GO, while my body was like SLEEP, MORE SLEEP, PLEASE! The brain eventually won out!

The difference for me is that this process is now about one person: ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!

I really couldn't be happier. It is not about how I should look in a picture at a wedding. It is not about the way others look at me, or what they think about me. It is ALL ABOUT HOW I FEEL! It is all about how exercising, eating no more than 1700 calories per day and a balance diet, and losing inches and pounds makes me feel!

I even proudly owned my number on the scale tonight at my second nutrition class! 208.5...It is coming down too!!! It takes courage to admit that, but it is a number I have to own in order to change things in my life! This time is truly going to be different!!! I can feel it all over!!!

Moving up in the world

Ok, not really, but sorta! Makes a lot of sense, right?

I am cursed when it comes to cell phones. It doesn't matter how well I take care of them, or what I do, I always wind up with problems. I am hoping this time will be different, but I am not holding my breath!

Yesterday, my Motorola that I have had for nine months decided that it would stop working. The buttons locked up, and calls couldn't be made. I couldn't even answer phone calls. It was a mess, especially when that is your primary method of communication with people.

So, I went to our local phone company where our cell phones are out of. They couldn't fix it there; it would have to be sent off. I needed a phone, and they would provide a loaner. I have done this with two other phones before...The outcome is never good! I usually wind up with a new phone within a month anyways.

They were running a promotion where you get a free BlackBerry if you do the contract thing and sign up for their unlimited data package. I made the decision to upgrade, and I am so glad that I did. I helped Kevin the majority of the day driving his fertilizer truck. I managed for the first time in six years of doing this to stay connected with my online world. It was awesome to have an Internet connection and my email available wherever I went today! I am even trying to talk Kevin into getting one. He has talked about getting a laptop and an air card for months to use on the farm. This may be a much cheaper solution to his need to stay connected as well!

So, for those "crackberry" users out there, you have a new member! I have used it a day, and I am hooked!

On the weight loss front, things couldn't be better! I have lost two more pounds, and I have exercised 8 out of the last 10 days. I don't remember the last time I exercised so consistently. It is starting to become something that I can't live without, which is an AWESOME thing!!!

How did the week go?

With ice and snow here all week and school closed part of the week, some of you maybe wandering how my week went. It was interesting to say the least! Check out the family blog for more information on that:)

I started calorie counting on Monday, and I started writing my food/exercise journal again. I must say, I did a GREAT job all week recording all of my food intake. I wrote down everything, even the cinnamon roll I ate on Tuesday.

It would have been really easy this week to fall off the wagon. The kids were home from school on Tuesday and Wednesday. Kevin was home. They wanted cinnamon rolls. I only ate ONE!!! That is huge for me! I did great on my calorie intake and I have managed to workout each day since last Saturday. I feel like I really accomplished something great this week! Just working out everyday has made such a difference!!

I have also been carefully monitoring my fluid intake and been writing it down. I have successfully drank my required allotment of water everyday. I have not had a diet coke in almost one week (it will be one week tomorrow!!!). That is huge for me! To go from 4-5 a day not even a month ago to 1 in the last two weeks! And I don't miss it. It doesn't sound good anymore. When I drank one last Saturday, it took me four hours to complete it. It used to take ten minutes.

We are also eating better as a family. I have taken a nutrition class, and I am schedule to take another one next Tuesday. It was eye opening to me. My Calorie King book is also one of the best things I have ever bought. It has almost every food you could think of in there with the calories and fat grams, and it has over 200 hundred popular dining restaurants listed with their most popular food choices. It has become my bible for weight loss.

I am eating apples, celery, carrots, oranges, whole grain rice, and protein bars instead of chips, diet cokes, white rice, and candy. It is small changes that have made a big difference in the way I feel. I have never eaten peppers or onions on anything. I cook them in margarine for Kevin because he likes them. Last night, we made beef fajitas together. We cooked green, yellow, and red peppers in 2 Tbsp of light olive oil and added some cumin and curry along with pepper....I added them to my corn tortilla with a green sauce and a little bit of cheese, instead of my usual flour tortilla, sour cream and cheese. IT WAS AWESOME!!! It is something I would definitely eat again.

In the coming weeks, we are also planning on cleaning out our entire pantry. I haven't gotten the nerve to do it quite yet, but I am going to strip it down to NOTHING. We are going to start planning meals and buy only what we need in order to fix those good, healthy meals. Stay tuned for that in the coming days and weeks! It ought to be an interesting time in our household to say the least!

Calorie Counting...AGAIN!!!

I am going back to Calorie Counting. I tried it when I first started. I then went to a protein based diet. I am now going back to Calories. I have had a hard time. I love food...That is the biggest problem, but who doesn't, right?!?!

I have also weaned Kinsley in the last four months, so my hormones are trying to adjust to that being over. And then the lovely holidays came rolling around. I couldn't win for loosing. LITERALLY!!!!:)

So, I am going back to the calories, the food log, the exercise journal, and water intake/sodium watch. Who knew that when you were trying to loose weight, you had to become more obsessed with food? Seems backwards in so many senses to me, but I understand the reason why.

I know if I make myself more accountable for what I am putting into my body, then it will become easier to loose. It just seems ironic to me that in order to loose, I have become a gatekeeper to my mouth!!!

I have done good in the last 36 hours. I have ate low fat cottage cheese, fresh carrots (with LIGHT ranch dressing) one slice of cheese, whole grain rice, three protein bars, 1.5 grilled Chicken wraps, and NO DIET COKES!!!! They don't even really taste good anymore, and I am now at the point (THANKFULLY) where I am craving water!!!

I also braved the ice covered roads and went and worked out this morning. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave the house. And I sure didn't want to drive the twenty miles on the ice patches to go work out. But I did. It wasn't so bad when I got out there and got started. The worst part was afterwards when the parking lot was glazing over. It is up hill and I started to slide back down. That was pretty comical with Kinsley's stroller!!! But the queen of clumsiness didn't fall!!!

I just have to remind myself that everything is a choice and that I have choices when it comes to eating. I don't have to eat what everyone else is in my household. I don't have to eat just to satisfy boredom. I don't have to eat just because something is sitting there staring at me.

I have taken up the hobby of knitting again. It is to keep my hands busy. I like to do it and it keeps me from getting bored. It is better than TV watching because it requires both of my hands in order to do it...So I can't snack and knit!!! Or I can't do it easily at all!!!

Going the other WAY!!!

The weight is going the other direction again! I got on the scale this morning and it was back down again to pre-water-swollen-level. I will just have to be more careful since I am now drinking so much water and my body is hydrated the way it is supposed to be. It was a good lesson in the mechanics of our body.

I haven't posted about my virutal assistant practice much since I started this blog. I think the weight is easier to talk about somehow. I know that is hard to believe. It is for me too. I think it is one of those things where I can't believe I talked about my weight issues, and now that I have, I feel very free and open to discuss the weight challenges in my life.

Virtual Assistance is something that I really wished I would have found years ago. I have always had a nagging sensation that something had to be out there that I could do from where we live and still be fully involved and present in my family's life. My children need that. My husband needs that. I NEED THAT!!!

Virtual Assistance also focuses on helping others achieve their dreams and further their success. It gives entreprenuers time to focus on the part of their businesses that is most important to them. Therefore, it gives me the ability to do something that I love doing: helping others.

I really could talk for paragraphs and days about being a virtual assistant. Instead, I will add tidbits here and there. I will weave it into the fitness/weight posts and am considering eventually starting another blog dedicated solely to being a VA, because life isn't crazy enough that I need something else to keep up with!

Sodium....Who KNEW???

Ok, I must say that after the last post two days ago, I was bummed. I had had enough!!! I knew it was the right thing to do to come to this place and post! It gave me a chance to read those words over and over and over again.

I texted Paula on Sunday and she mentioned my sodium intake yet again. I have been so tired of hearing about my sodium intake because I love salt. I always have. I have decreased my sodium intake drastically in the last couple of months, but I was shocked when I started reading food labels yesterday morning. You don't realize how much sodium is in regular foods. It is ridiculous!!!

After paying closer attention to that yesterday and drinking WATER yesterday, I felt better. I woke up and was extremley swollen yesterday morning. My hands hurt I was so swollen. I drank some coffee trying to get some of the water retention to go away. Thankfully by yesterday evening, the water was starting to come off. I have lost most of the water I was carrying around with me this weekend.

I can totally understand how easy it would be to give up. I have done it before and to see the numbers on the scale Sunday, it would have been so easy to do. I know why I have given up in the past: I didn't have a great support system. I had Kevin, and I love him dearly. However, he loves me for me, and not the way I look. He is also a male and doesn't understand how the female body works! That is what makes this time so different!

I have a great personal trainer: Paula Hendricks. She is there for me to not only workout with, but she is my go-to-girl when it comes to anything health or fitness that could be affecting my goals. She is my sounding board when it comes to my weight loss struggles and successes!!! I couldn't have gotten this far without her!

I also have a dear friend who has followed my journey up to this point. She even emailed me the other night after my rant to encourage me. And she is going to quit following me and JOIN ME at Paula's now! I am so excited for her! Right now, I know she is concerned about what is in front of her (I remember that same feeling), but I know what is ahead! She will do great and it will be fun to have her there and get to do it together!

Another great female support has been my business/life coach, Stacy Brice. She founded the profession of Virtual Assistance, started the training place for VAs, AssistU, and coaches the VAs as they build their businesses. She is phenomenal, and I wouldn't be where I am at today both personally and professionally without her!

I know this time will be different. I know I am different. I am doing this the right way with the right support and the right frame of mind for the right reasons!

One of those Discouraging Times!!!

I am gaining weight. I have been working out like a mad woman. I have gave up Diet Coke. I was drinking 3-5 per day, and in two weeks time I have had less than 10. In the last five days, I have had 1!!! Anyone that knows me, knows that is my drink. I always have one in my hand!!! However, I am gaining weight at an alarming rate. I have put on six pounds in the last three days. I don't feel like I have gained that much, but the scale is showing that I have. It makes me frustrated and upset. It makes me hate myself and the fact that it is going up, when it should be going down.

Is this going to make me give up and say "Oh, well, better luck next time." NO NO NO!!! Not this time. I am discouraged. I am disheartened. I know that means I need to work that much harder at this. It is worth it for myself. I am worth that! I am worth working hard in order to feel the way about myself that I want too!! My trainer and I will just have to devise a new plan tomorrow! I will get going on it, and things will be much better!!!

I had a very big day of food today. I had my brother and sister-in-laws birthday parties and our woman's church group at my house tonight. Tomorrow is a new week, a new day, a new beginning. I am going to journal my food intake, even if I have to do it here and be accountable to the world!!! I am NOT going to give up. It is a hard fought battle that I DO NOT intend to loose!

I also have an interview with a potential client from Italy on Tuesday. I am very excited about that. Hopefully, I will be able to keep myself busy preparing for that and keep myself out of the kitchen, except when I am supposed to be!!!

Have a great week!!!! And check back often for updates!!!

Up and Down and all around!!!

I promised in my first post that I would share my weight loss journey on this blog. I want accountability and feel like if I blog about it, that maybe it might be a great way to be accountable. I also know that my trainer will be reading this too, since I sent the blog to her as well:)

My weight issues started when I was a teenager. I wasn't fat by no means, but I was never a size 0-2 like most of my classmates and like my sisters. I was always bigger. Size 8-10 clothes were always what I wore. What I wouldn't do right this moment to be in them again. It is funny how the further we go in life, things take on a new perspective.

Well, as I went to college, I put on the usual college weight. I went up a size. I was getting married though, so I had to do my best to fit into the wedding gown. I was stressed working all the time, taking 20 hours of school and planning a wedding. I started eating chips and a diet coke for lunch everyday. It was all I was eating. I would go back and grab something quick for supper and go about my business. I was so busy that I lost weight and fit into my dress nicely.

After getting married, I quit caring. Sure there were times I would try and loose weight. I did Slim Fast, or Atkins, or whatever the latest craze, but it never lasted. I was at my heaviest in that point in my life right before I became pregnant with the boys. Twins did nothing great for my figure. After they were born, I nursed them and the weight flew off quicker than quick. I was smaller than I had been in high school. It didn't last. I started drinking Vanilla Cokes in the can like they were water. The weight came back and I stopped nursing the boys by the time they were fourteen months.

I went back and forth, up and down. Then I got pregnant again. I was determined this time any weight I lost after our daughter was born, would stay off. The weight started to come off but there is a difference in nursing one baby and nursing two. It eventually quit coming off.

The sizes kept going up through all of this. I have found that if I am not willing to admit what size I am, then I am just denying that it has happened. Last summer, before I started working out, I weighed 232 lbs, and was starting to buy clothes that were size 18. I can't believe I just said that or posted that, but I have! No one ever believes that it is so, because I guess I have hid some of it pretty well; and my trainer also says it is my height at almost 6 feet that helps. But it is the case.

I started working out with a trainer in the end of July. We have had times of going at it strong, and then, as some of you know, I am accident prone, so our time was not so strong. I have been sick several times, burned my arm really bad, fell at my sister's wedding and screwed up my leg, hit the lip of a sidewalk and skinned my knees and so on. I don't have the best luck sometimes:)

Right before Christmas we measured and weighed again to start the official counter for the new year. I had lost 15 inches since we started; I was pumped!!!! My weight had been down when I started training with her, she never saw 232. But since that time my heaviest, I have lost 22 pounds.

It is not noticeable to me yet. It has been a gradual change (My trainer, Paula, assures me this is the key to lasting weight loss). I wish that I could fast forward and be the forty pounds lighter that I want to be right now. But I know that I am working on it. I know that my size 14 clothes are getting really close to fitting again. I know that the size 10 - 12 shorts I have in my closet from years ago will soon fit again. I know that I am doing something for myself that will pay dividends into my future. I know that I may be sick now for admitting to all of you how much I weigh...But I hope that it gives each of you hope, that if I can slowly change my life, you can too!!!

Welcome!!!

I have decided in addition to the family blog, I am going to start posting updates to MY LIFE. This blog is going to be dedicated to the specific things going on in Lesley's world. I want to give to others. I feel like the best way I can do that is to share what is going on in my world with the hope that I might inspire someone to take control of their own life, as mine is a work in progress:)

This will be the place to learn about my journey to make this year my year of making myself better. I have been on a journey of a new career path for the last year. My virtual assistance path has not always been great, but it is growing and getting better. I am determined to make my mark on the world with it.

This will also be the place to follow my weight loss path. I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. You can read more about that in the days to come. I look forward to sharing my story and my life with each of you, and I look forward to making myself accountable in my journey of redefining who I am outside of Kevin's wife, and Damon, Dilon and Kinsley's MOM:)

Welcome!!!!