Clumsiness is my middle name

Or it should have been!!! I have had many such silly accidents all caused by either me being clumsy, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is always something. In the last six months or so, I have fallen three time and hurt my legs; I burned my left arm from the elbow to my wrist on hot steam from our grill; I have thrown out my shoulder once; I have been sick a couple of times; and most recently, I have hurt my right hand. I am sure there are other instances of silliness that should make the mix, but for right now, that is all that comes to mind. I am sure that Paula could come up with more.

My weight loss is still going okay due to my recent adventure with my hand. It feels better today. I thought I had broke it on Tuesday it hurt so bad. Metal bars, ratchets and my hand don't mix well together...Who knew?

Allergy season is also in full force here in Oklahoma. All of us have had a time of it. We are all on Zyrtec with the exception of Mr. Fisher. He tries to be tough, but usually winds up more ill than the rest of us.

So how has all of this loveliness affected my weight loss efforts this week? It has. I haven't exercised since Monday. I am hoping to change that today! I have been helping Kevin most of the week outside, so that only aggravated the allergies. Then with the hand, it would have been impossible to do much else. My body is also out of alignment according to my trainer. That has been causing hip and shoulder pain. I think at 28 I am falling apart!!! At least, I haven't gained a significant amount of weight this week. I haven't been on the scale this morning, but yesterday I was only up 1 pound! YEAH!!!

I have new Pilates videos that I can't wait to try. Those with my elliptical are going to become my new best friends! I will try to keep track of the video I try along with degree of soreness/effectiveness of each one. It will be like my own personal review!

So, it will be calorie counting, Pilates, and elliptical for awhile! I am excited to see the results!!!

Have a great Friday!!!

Looking back

More times than not in my life I have been faced with difficult decisions, just as each of us has. I am a true believer that it is in those moments, our life can be truly defined. People look at us and how we handle turmoil and make a judgement regarding what kind of person we are.

I had something like this happen very early in my life. I made a very difficult decision that shaped who I was and showed a lot about my character. It is a decision that I have never regretted.

As I continued to grow, I lost the person who made that decision. I lost the girl who turned woman with that decision. I lost the ability to realize that I had choices in life. Most of my big life choices had already been made by that time in my life. I knew who I was going to marry; I knew where we would live; I thought I knew where life would lead me. I think that is where life left me. It left me there waiting to make more decisions and choices that ultimately I quit making.

Could you see this on the outside? No, of course not. To the outside world, as in most cases, everything looked fine. Really it was. I didn't realize any of this, and as in most cases, ignorance can be bliss sometimes, at least for awhile.

I can't tell you the moment in the last two years in which something changed for me. I can't pinpoint it down to anyone time. I think that is the great thing about how this change in my life occurred. It happened so gradual, that one day I opened my eyes and just knew things were different.

Life is full of choices. Each of us have them to make. I had quit making mine. I had let what other people wanted or expected of me get in the way of what I wanted for myself. I had told the voice in my head that it was ok, and we would do what we wanted the next time. My life was about what the world expected of me, instead of what I expect of me.

It is no longer that way. I know that I have choices in this life. I can choose to let things make me angry, or I can choose to set a deadline for that anger and let it go. I can choose to be upset, or I can choose to wake up and be ok. I can choose to do the things in life that I want to do, and be at choice with the things in life that I don't want to do.

Sounds pretty sweet and sugar coated, doesn't it? It is quite the opposite. It is hard to change. It requires a great deal of thought, energy and opposition from others who don't want you to change. But believe me, it is definitely worth every negative, hard thing that comes your way! It is worth that first step no matter how hard it may be to take!!! And never forget that you have a choice in everything that you do and feel!!!!

Update!!!

Well, what a week it has been! It was full of stress, joy, and SORENESS!!!

I was completely stressed last week. Kinsley had croup and had to be tested for allergies. It meant two days in a row of going to OKC and getting her taken care of. On Friday morning, we tried to get her blood drawn. It was a nightmare. She was stuck three times, and we now have to go to someone more experienced with Pediatric patients. Six months ago this would have meant: OLD ME + STRESS = GAINING WEIGHT

I have been working out hard. Paula says I have been working out too hard and need to take 1-2 days off during the week. Do you know how hard that is? I can't even believe that I feel that way, but it seems impossible for me to conceive not exercising for 2 days each week. I am so afraid the weight will creep back on if I don't. She assures me as long as I eat right, and work out hard the other 5-6 days it will be fine. We shall see!

I have spent the last seven days extremely sore. My rear end hurts like none other. I have been unable to sleep on my back it hurts so bad. We did lunges on Monday, and going to the bathroom became a challenge by that evening. I haven't been doing lunges because my knees were so bad prior to working out. I had actually wondered if I wouldn't need knee replacements soon they were getting so bad. I have strengthened my muscles in my upper legs, and they are much better. So, on Monday, I did squats and lunges. 2 sets of each. By Monday night, I felt like I had just worked out for the first time in my life I hurt so bad.

With the soreness of my legs and rear end, it has made for an interesting week. Yesterday, working out helped. It got the soreness out of my legs so that I could at least walk without constant pain. And my rear end is getting better. We determined that I was doing to hard of a level on my elliptical and thus causing rear pain:).

So where is the weight now? I have lost AGAIN!!! 206.4 this morning. I am close to the magically thirty pounds mark. It puts me at almost half of where I want to be. The goal weight is 165-170. I am so EXCITED to be halfway there! I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't decided to do something last summer. My life would be very different now!

I have so much more energy now. I can carry Kinsley, when I am not sore, without being winded! My upper body has gain so much strength. I actually did some running while we put cattle in yesterday and wasn't winded at all. It felt so GOOD!!! I have also given up DIET COKE! It has been almost four weeks! I can't believe it sometimes. Kevin even asked if I wanted one the other night at a ballgame because I was complaining I didn't want water. I told him that I sure didn't want a Diet Coke and would drink the water. I actually went back later on and got another water:).

Paula is getting ready to start Pilates during the morning. I am excited about this. I want to attend some classes and work on Pilates at home. She swears by them. She told me yesterday that with her own journey to weight loss, doing Pilates is when she started noticing the biggest differences in her weight loss story. I can't wait!!!

Breakthrough!!

I am pretty positive I have pinpointed the reason why I have not been losing weight up to this point: I wasn't doing this for the right reasons!

When I started in July working out with Paula, I wanted to get healthy, but I was doing it because my sister and my brother-in-law were both getting married. Ashley got married in August and Curtis got married in November. My goals were based on what I thought I needed to look like for those occasions, instead of what I needed to look like for me! I had good intentions that were meant to be sincere, but I wasn't committed to the process for the right reasons!

After their weddings, the holidays hit. I was determined not to forsake all of the hard work that I had put in, and I didn't. But it still was a struggle to exercise. It was a struggle to eat good. It was a STRUGGLE. PERIOD! Until a couple weeks ago!

I don't know exactly the moment, but suddenly things started clicking. I started this blog. I started food journaling. I took my first nutrition class, and things started to turn around. I quit drinking Diet Coke and starting drinking water. I also did something momentous: working out harder at home than I do when I go see Paula. I love seeing Paula; I want my body to reflect that! So, I have been working out like a mad dog at home now too, and I am actually starting to crave exercise, if you can believe that!

I even woke up this morning at 5 knowing that I had to exercise. My brain was like the peppy cheerleader of LET'S GO, while my body was like SLEEP, MORE SLEEP, PLEASE! The brain eventually won out!

The difference for me is that this process is now about one person: ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!

I really couldn't be happier. It is not about how I should look in a picture at a wedding. It is not about the way others look at me, or what they think about me. It is ALL ABOUT HOW I FEEL! It is all about how exercising, eating no more than 1700 calories per day and a balance diet, and losing inches and pounds makes me feel!

I even proudly owned my number on the scale tonight at my second nutrition class! 208.5...It is coming down too!!! It takes courage to admit that, but it is a number I have to own in order to change things in my life! This time is truly going to be different!!! I can feel it all over!!!

Moving up in the world

Ok, not really, but sorta! Makes a lot of sense, right?

I am cursed when it comes to cell phones. It doesn't matter how well I take care of them, or what I do, I always wind up with problems. I am hoping this time will be different, but I am not holding my breath!

Yesterday, my Motorola that I have had for nine months decided that it would stop working. The buttons locked up, and calls couldn't be made. I couldn't even answer phone calls. It was a mess, especially when that is your primary method of communication with people.

So, I went to our local phone company where our cell phones are out of. They couldn't fix it there; it would have to be sent off. I needed a phone, and they would provide a loaner. I have done this with two other phones before...The outcome is never good! I usually wind up with a new phone within a month anyways.

They were running a promotion where you get a free BlackBerry if you do the contract thing and sign up for their unlimited data package. I made the decision to upgrade, and I am so glad that I did. I helped Kevin the majority of the day driving his fertilizer truck. I managed for the first time in six years of doing this to stay connected with my online world. It was awesome to have an Internet connection and my email available wherever I went today! I am even trying to talk Kevin into getting one. He has talked about getting a laptop and an air card for months to use on the farm. This may be a much cheaper solution to his need to stay connected as well!

So, for those "crackberry" users out there, you have a new member! I have used it a day, and I am hooked!

On the weight loss front, things couldn't be better! I have lost two more pounds, and I have exercised 8 out of the last 10 days. I don't remember the last time I exercised so consistently. It is starting to become something that I can't live without, which is an AWESOME thing!!!